I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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