I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
