Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
