Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
