Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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