Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize