escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
