why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
