this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
