yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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