i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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