when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I touched a dick in church today
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
