a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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