I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
