Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
