see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
