He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
