Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
