She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
