So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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