I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
