Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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