"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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