I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was like eating out sand paper
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
