I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
