I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
