Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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