Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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