just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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