My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
