Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
