I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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