I faked an abortion last night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
