why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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