I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
