My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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