why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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