I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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