Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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