Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
be right there i have to get my cape
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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