Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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