Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will pee on everything he values.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
