dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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