i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
