dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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