his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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