I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
