someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
