ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
