An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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