Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
