you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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