It's a beautiful day for a hangover
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
