She is in my trunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
