Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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