i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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