a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
