he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
