I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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