Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
