i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
