yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
