So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
