a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
