i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
