he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this just has baby written all over it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
