I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
