i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
