Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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