didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Swine flu. Run for my life!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
