Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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