he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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