I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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