Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
