Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
