For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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